S.A.H.M (stay at home mom)

why do i want to be a S.A.H.M...?

• i want to spend the whole day with my kids


• i'm currently breastfeeding, it is easier to directly breastfeed Imtiaz


• i can always cook for the family (currently i only cook when they want a special menu from me or when i have the time)


• i can manage my own family to my likings


• i can teach my kids a little extra from what they learn at school


• i can become my kids' own driver


• i don't have to crush and squeeze my head to deal with difficult patients who are just non compliance to medications


• i can exercise 7 days a week (now i'm doing it at 3-5 times a week)


• i can indulge in doing everything i love (shopping + window shopping, reading novels/magazines/newspaper, watching TV/movie, baking/cooking)


• i can be my own family's doctor


• i can surf the internet 24/7 (minus the time that needed to attend my kids) finding informations at the tips of my fingers


• i can blog and read other blogs to exchange views and opinions

why i can't be S.A.H.M?

• i have to complete my Master


• i'm bonded 7 years after completing my Master


• i won't have my own pocket money and i can't find ways how to find alternative income to stabilize the family's finances (i'm not a good entrepeneur)


• i tend to munch a lot in between meals, that will make me to balloon up

what i wish to be...?

• i want to complete my Master


• then want to become a lactation specialist


• complete my 7 years contract with my employer


• then i want to promote breastfeeding to the nation and work as a lactation specialist at my own time


• i want to have a flexible working hour so that i can manage my family as well


• i want to coach my kids myself

sometimes, you can't have what you want...make do with what you can...but there's always room to improve your life to the next stage...

Imtiaz's Breastmilk Factory

i love having the experience of being pregnant, then giving birth, then breastfeeding, nurturing and taking care of my own offsprings...these experiences differ from one child to another...and i learnt from the previous experiences to handle similar situations in the future...

being Imtiaz's Breastmilk Factory from his day 1 of life was not an easy experience....i had a painful experience to breastfeed him for the first 2-3 weeks...i had similar problems with Jihan as well...at that time i didn't quite sure how to make sure proper lactching to the breast...

with Imtiaz, i invested on buying a comfy, practical nursing pillow, My Brest Friend..it was expensive but i got a 15% discount at Robinson's during Year End Sale...it helped in proper latching, ease my back pain and holding Imtiaz comfortably...but the problem was, although Imtiaz did latch on properly, he had a strong and hard sucking action...that made my nipples sore and cracked!!

the first few days i still feel that the pain was bearable...it was like being stung when he first sucked then after a while when the sucking action regulated, the pain subsided....however, the pain on my right nipple was getting worst...i had to keep on pumping the right breast and not letting Imtiaz to nurse on that breast for a week so that the cracked and sore nipple will heal...i did try on Madela Purelan; it helped a bit, and i tried on Medela nipple shield but Imtiaz didn't like it....so, i left me with no choice...i kept on praying that it would heal fast so that i can nurse Imtiaz on both side of the breasts...

on the 3rd week, i had engorge and blocked duct of the right breast...it was an acute mastitis...i had to undergo a painful massage for over an hour to relieve the blocked duct and to ensure proper breastmilk flow...

i also had breastmilk abundance and i am very grateful with that, alhamdulillah...but what can i do with it..? it was just too much....i had to empty my breast both sides after feeding Imtiaz, if not it would become too engorge and painful....i didn't want to stock up frozen breastmilk too early, it would fill my entire freezer...so, my masseur told me to water the plants with the excess breastmilk and not to throw away the milk into the drain...insya Allah, the breastmilk supply will continue and the plants will grow taller....

and now, i've been Imtiaz's Breastmilk Factory for almost 2 months and i enjoy being one...i hope to continue nurse him until he is 2 years of age...i have started storing frozen breastmilk for him and continue making refrigerated stocks as well...he is currently 5.2kg (he was just 2.96kg at birth) and people always said he is big for a 2 month old...

the labour

On 5th march, I had vaginal bleed upon waking up from sleep in the morning….aha! it’s almost time….but I couldn’t feel any contraction and the bleed just stop…so, I decided to go the hospital just to check my status and my baby’s status….As my husband had a course to attend, my parents drove me to the hospital….we reached there at around 10 am and luckily not many patients were there….i had my cardiotocograph (CTG) done to check on my baby’s well being….i still can’t feel any contraction, just a minor back pain…the CTG was reactive….and vaginal examination (VE ) done showed that my os was sill closed…..so I was sent home, waiting for regular contraction….if not I would be admitted the next day for the induction of labour anyway…..

At home, the vaginal bleed was only minimal, regular contraction has not set in yet…I had a good lunch and dinner that day….i slept early that night but woke up at around 1 am due to regular contraction of 1:5…it continued until I cannot stand it anymore….at around 4 am, I woke hubby up, feeling that the contraction was more regular at 3:10….

we got ready and drove to the hospital at around 5 am….had my CTG done and it was reactive…VE done and I was already 4cm dilated!!! It was quite similar to my first delivery experience 3 ½ years ago….artificial ruptured of membrane (ARM) done and the liquor was clear….i was sent up to the labour room at around 6.30am….The labour room was empty at that time…I was placed in LR 4, the same room where I delivered Jihan 3 ½ years ago….the midwife gave me ravin enema which made me poo-poo…

at that time, the contraction was already very strong and regular 4:10….i asked them to ring the anaesthetist for epidural….probably I have to bear the pain until 8am before the next shift doctor took over from the oncall doctor…in the meanwhile I was given enthonox, a mixture of oxygen and nitrus oxide for the pain relief but it made me dizzy..at that time, whenever I felt the contraction, hubby had to rub my back to ease the pain…and hubby who was supposed to have a mock exam, had to excuse himself from attending the exam…..

alhamdulillah, at around 7.30am, Prof Joanna came to give me the epidural…it was such a relief…I couldn’t feel the contraction at all….I was able to have a good rest for about 1 hour and 15 minutes before the sensation to bear down was felt at around 9am…

I was supposed to be reviewed at around 10 am, so I thought I could wait until then…but the sensation became greater and I felt like pushing…I knew that I was fully dilated by then….i told hubby to call the midwife and asked them to check my os….and true enough I was fully dilated…the contraction was unbearable, at that time was 6:10….i held myself from pushing while waiting for my obstetrician, Prof Jamil to come…

i started pushing at around 9.40am with all my heart…..i found it a bit difficult to push efficiently …the contraction was strong and frequent but short, and I was out of breath…maybe because I’m getting older (hahahah..)..i felt that I’ve been pushing for ages, but Prof and the midwives were cool and encouraged me to push hard….at one point, I really felt the head was halfway out of the perineum and it just stuck there…and I gave my best for the last push and the head was out…I was so relieved, alhamdulillah….then the body was out, and a loud cry was heard, time of birth 9.58am and it was a boy!….hubby was preparing to take my baby’s first photo but Prof asked him to wear gloves to cut the baby’s cord…! Although he had cut many cord before, cutting his on son’s cord was a memorable one….

he looked tiny compared to Jihan but the look was similar….i gave him my first kiss before he was taken to be weighed and cleaned…in the meanwhile, I was in the 3rd stage of labour, awaiting the placenta to be expelled….i had a 2nd degree tear and a few stitches need to be made….my baby weighed 2.96kg, a little bit smaller compared to his sister 3.18kg….but both of them were born on Friday and I was glad that both my labours were easy and I didn’t have to endure long hours of pain and fatigue…

I straight away gave my baby my breast for him to get the goodness of colostrum…we were brought up to the ward later, the same ward when I was warded with Jihan but a different room, Baldu 1…..

I roomed-in with my baby so that I can exclusively breastfeed him, which I gave every 2 hours….the boy sucked very hard to get the colostrum out….Jihan came with my parents at noon and she was happy to see her little brother was already out of my tummy and mama was no longer fat anymore…!!!We were both well and discharged the following day…..we decided to name him Ahmad Imtiaz Iman bin Asrul …a new journey has just begun for our little Imtiaz….

Jihan's first day at school....

well, i'm supposed to put this on longgggg time ago...!!! we decided to sent Jihan to preschool this year...for her to make friends and mix around with others and to learn something...we chose to sent her over to Tadika Seri Khalifah in Bandar Seri Putra which implements the Little Caliph Program...

i took 4 days leave to sent Jihan to school, just to make sure she didn't feel scared and awkward seeing so many children in one place....she woke up at 7 and got ready for her first day of school...she looked very cute in her school uniform and her hijab...at the registration, many parents and children ahd already arrived...soon we heard crying voices....i left Jihan in the classroom and stood outside...she looked very timid, not warmed up yet to make new friends....after some time, i heard a familiar cry and Jihan was running towards the door with her watery eyes and nose....i comforted her as she was scared for not seeing me outside the window...it was so heart wrenching seeing your child crying inconsolaby...but then i managed to get her back inside and later i left her under the care of her teachers..

when i picked her up at 11am, she still looked sorrow...she told me she cried a bit after i left...but she was happy when she got a lot of stickers from her teachers....

the sobbing episode occured for a few days, especially when she saw other kids were crying...but overall she adapted to her preschool life and started enjoying herself at the school....

and now, she is a teacher at home teaching us what she had learned in school...